Sometimes I want to punch myself in the face.

Okay, so sometimes I get into these little depressions where I beat myself up over how I always fail at making friends when I have the best opportunities to make them.

For example, in high school there were these two girls who shared a locker right next to mine. The first time they talked to me one of their friends was complimenting me on my Homestarrunner bag. After I introduced myself in typical Sarah fashion (stuttering and basically failing at saying everything I wanted to say correctly) I pretty much ran away and never said a word to them again because I was so embarrassed and felt like a total social failure.

But the point is this; I didn't need to beat myself up about it so badly. Sure I was awkward at first, but I should have given myself a second chance. Instead of saying to myself, "oh that was horrible I'll never speak to them again," I should have said,"okay it didn't go so well that time, but maybe it'll be better the next time I see them." I should have just said "Hello" to them whenever I saw them instead of ignoring them completely. That's the problem with me; whenever I really REALLY want to be friends with someone I always end up completely ignoring them.

You would think it would be easy to just say HELLO to someone. But I always make it so hard for some reason. I wish I could see these situations as simply as they really are instead of blowing them out of proportion.

So, non-existent readers, I ask you this: how do YOU make friends?

So yeah I finished Nightwalker...

...And it was good! I liked the plot twists in some of the episodes. Very cool.

And now I'm totally fangirling over Shido. HE'S ADORABLE! I want to pet his hair.

I thought it was funny though how in the first few episodes the character designs were different, and then a couple episodes in they decided to change them. What's up with that? Yayoi had red hair in the beginning and then they changed it to purple. And then Shido's hair magically grew. He's cooler with long hair, though. Whatevs.

Cain was a bitch. Oh, silly Cain.

Well, I think I'll watch Violinist of Hamelin next. I watched the first episode on Crunchy roll a year ago before they deleted all their illegal anime, and it seemed pretty cool. I just hope there's not too many episodes. *checks animenewsnetwork* Oh, there's only 25, that's good.

Bye-bye now, friends. Oh wait, here's a picture.

Moonlight swimming alone in a dark sea

I've been listening to Gessekai by Buck-Tick on repeat for like two hours. Now I really want to watch Nightwalker. I haven't actually seen an episode yet. I think my sister says it's good. I didn't know this song was the opening theme for that anime until I looked up the lyrics and it had an embedded video of the opening. Detectives, vampires, demons...sounds good. And it's only 12 episodes long! I think I shall aquaint myself with it rather soon...

I should probably get to work on stuff, but now it's kind of bed time. And I want to stay up and do other stuff. Blah.

Here's a picture to make my non-existant readers happy. FUCK, why is it at the top again?!?

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OKAY, so I figured it's been so long since I made a new post that I might as well make another one two minutes after the last one.

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I JUST FELT LIKE TROLLING. DON'T JUDGE ME.

New Post. Why Not?

I just read all my old posts, and I just thought I should mention that there was a girl in the grade below me in high school whose name was Heather Mason. I wonder if she knew she was from a survival horror game. She didn't look anything like Heather from SH3, though. But that would have been awesome.

Yeah, that's all, I guess.

Oh, here's a picture. ...FUCK! WHY DID IT PUT IT AT THE TOP?!

P.S. I've had Radar by Britney Spears stuck in my head all day. Not that that's really a bad thing. It's a catchy song.

Hullo thar mai frend

This is one of the first pictures I ever took on PhotoBooth. It's pretty scary. And wrong.

If you cut me I suppose I would bleed the colors of the evening stars

WOW. I was going to post this blog in the summer when I first started listening to Owl City; hence the title. I saved the draft and then completely forgot about it and now just discovered it.

SO I'M FINISHING IT NOW. (1/25/10)

Um. I spent like two hours tonight watching Lady Gaga interviews on UTOOB. And now I'm listening to Poker Face. What is the world coming to?

I'm not a fan of Lady Gaga, but she's just so...interesting? IDK, why did I spend so much time watching interviews of her? Hmmm. Well, I can say that even though she's kinda crazy I admire that about her. Crazy-ness. It's refreshing.

WHY DO I ALWAYS WASTE MY TIME ON THE INTERNETS???!! I should have been doing other things. 8I

Glad to be out of Silent Hill

So I've graduated from hell. It took forever, and yet it went by so fast. Gosh.
Anyway, I'm feeling healthier, happier, and all-around better now that I know I never have to go back there ever again. :-D

I was reading some old blog post/diary thingies on my hard drive just now, and it made me realize just how much better I'm feeling than when I was in high school.

I NOW PRESENT: a blog I wrote on myspace in 2007 and removed a day later. Probably at the end of sophomore year when I was almost failing English 10.

I REPEAT: WHAT FOLLOWS WAS WRITTEN IN 2007. IT IS NOT AN ACCURATE REPRESENTATION OF MY CURRENT FEELINGS.

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I can't deal with this. Why do I always make things harder for myself? I drag things on forever. I can't get anything done. I'm too tired. I'm too behind in everything. Why does it matter? Why do school and work and grades all matter? Where will this really get me in life? I'm trying so hard and yet I'm not trying at all. It's like I'm moving in slow motion and yet the world is zooming right on past me. It's so hard. Why is it all so hard for me? Why do I feel so sorry for myself? Why can't life just wait for one moment? What's the point in being responsible? In the end where does it really get you? People can easily do well in school and yet fail at life. Where is my life headed? Why take so much time planning? Why not go out into the world and do something? Why make decisions? I don't even know what I think half the time. I must be here for a reason and yet I fail to do anything about it. This is all so hard for me. Reflections? I've been too busy putting my life off. I keep putting it off every day, hoping it will disappear and yet wishing it would do something about itself. I'm so hopeless. This was a fairly simple assignment. Why do I always screw things up?
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Yeah, wow. I'm so glad that hell is over. Seriously, my relief is beyond words.

For those you still struggling through high school, I have this advice: Don't take it too seriously. Don't worry if you get a C in a class. Don't be an over-achiever, especially if you're a perfectionist. Don't listen to the bullshit your teachers and counselors tell you--that if you don't get good grades you'll fail at life. Failure is just a state of mind. YOU are in charge of your destiny, and you can always change. However, I DO suggest staying in school. Don't drop out. Hell is mandatory, but it doesn't have to be hell. Just remember that. I hope some of this made sense.

Also, graduate early. Or home-school and take college classes at the same time.

BUT WAIT; THERE'S MORE!

I really love Owl City.

I don't know why I'm doing a new blog post when I could just go back and edit the one I made two seconds ago. Oh well.

What am I doing?! Get off the computer you zombie!

Oh yeah. I got a haircut on Friday at the Meredith hair salon. I really like it. It's easier to manage now. I bought some gel stuffs at wally world today, to make my hair curly. I never use hair spray or gel, but hopefully I got the right kind. I grew up reading Nintendo Power, not Seventeen Magazine, so how am I supposed to know about these things?

I need to finish playing Silent Hill 1, but it's kind of late now because I want to go to bed soon. Blah. I apologize to my non-existant blog readers for my post suckage.

Seriously, if you actually read this, leave a comment so I know who's stalking me.

Hello Seattle I am an albatross

I just bought two Owl City albums. Tina had Hello Seattle on repeat in her car, and I really liked it.

My new iPod dock has really great sound.

It's that time of night when I feel lonely and anxious and wistful. But it's not that bad.

I just felt like blogging.

I really don't feel like blogging.

I like putting spaces in between my lines.

Does it annoy you?

I need to do some creative things and clean my room now.

Farewell, my lover.

Akira and crazy dreams

So I watched Akira at Lena's house last night, which was fun. I've been wanting to see that movie again for a while now. It made a lot more sense this time. The first time I watched it--which was in 2002 or 2003--I was like, "what the heck is going on?!" But this time I could actually follow the plot.

So naturally I dreamed about it last night as well. It was at the end of the movie when Tetsuo has turned into that big fleshy monstrosity, and I was Kaneda, flying around on that air-motorcycle thing, basically trying to get away from Tetsuo. Yup.

And then there was another part to the dream that was sort of a mixture of Doctor Who/Hellsing/Fullmetal Alchemist. I was the Doctor's companion, I guess, and we were traveling and kept on meeting all these crazy people that had something to do with murders or something. I think some of them had done failed human transmutations, because I saw a lot of corpse thingies. And then maybe there was something about vampires and I was trying to get away from crazy undead people. And I was flying. And then I was in high school, trying to figure out where my classes were, then wondering why I was even there because I had already graduated.

Yeah, It was crazy.

I <3 Spring!!!!1111111! OMG

So, I'm sitting in my room with my window open listening to the gorgeous sound of thunder and breathing in fresh air. It's not raining yet, so I can keep my window open for now. I just got over being sick and had a great day today outside making flower crowns and walking around enjoying all the pretty flowers. GOD I LOVE SPRING! Like, my heart is just overflowing with happiness for spring right now. :-D

I feel a lot happier lately because I have been getting at least 7 hours of sleep each night. Also because I've been hanging out with friends more often and being less of a hermit. PLUS I'm almost out of high school, PLUS I know basically what career I want to pursue after I graduate, and I have plans of HOW to pursue it. I feel like I'm coming out of a dark tunnel and into the sunlight.

Here's a list of the top things I want to do more of:
1. hang out with friends
2. make videos
3. draw

I need to study anatomy, because I honestly suck at it. :-P Well, off to do some of those things!

I SHOULD BE IN BED

yeah, I haven't posted on this thingy for a while, so i figured I might as well use it. Who knows, maybe I'll actually start posting regularly some time. I just never think to. I have lots of pictures I could share, too. Gosh, I also never use my Flickr account. I need to use it; I have so many pictures!

I guess one reason I never use this blog is because I don't have anyone following me really, so I don't feel motivated to use it. Another reason is because I feel like my life is boring. But hey, everyone else's life is boring, so why not write about mine? Also, I don't know if I want people to read my blog, yet at the same time I do. Like, what if someone I know reads my blog and is all like, "wow she's weird?" But on the other hand, why should I care what they think? That's my problem, I care too much about what other people think. I need to stop doing that.

So I guess the only good reason to keep a blog is so I can sort out my thoughts--not to get attention or anything. I mean, that's the point of having a blog in the first place, right?
???
Either way, that's what I'll use it for: sorting out my thoughts. And maybe work on my grammar, because this post sucks. God, I should be in bed.

MARIO WARIO LUCARIO

"Do you perhaps drink new hydrating Volvic Revive? o.O"

Well, I'm done with big bad finals, wOOt! That's always nice, isn't it, my friends? Yes, and I don't think I failed Advanced Comp. That's always a plus. I've learned from that class that I would make a terrible journalist, because I can't get papers handed in on time. Yup. Not the job for me. :(

New topic: NERD GIRLS! I feel like a retard because I fail at interacting with other nerds. Hell, I just fail at interacting with people. Anyway, there's this really cool group of nerd girls in my school. They're nice and funny and pretty and awesome. This morning during chorus they were all like, "FALCON PUNCH!" And then one of the girls was like, "Actually I think he says it more like 'Falcon PAWNCH!'" And of course I just sit there and don't say anything, but inside I want to stand up and yell "FALCOOOOON PUUUUUUNCH!!!"

Yeah, not many people at school know that I'm a nerd, or the vast extent of my nerdiness. Heck, no one really knows anything about me. I hardly say anything ever. It sucks. But I think I'm slowly starting to grow out of my not-talking-ness. I feel a lot happier now that finals are over and I'm almost done with senior year, so maybe I'll be able to losen up. YAY I'M ALMOST OUT OF SILENT HILL!!

Speaking of Silent Hill, I FREAKING LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVELOVELVOELVEOVE LOVE IIIIIIIIIIIIIIITT!!! Those games are just so awesome. Sure, I tend to be really freaked out and have nightmares after playing it at night, but I STILL LOVE IT! There's something about the town of Silent Hill that seems so familiar to me. It's strange, but the decreped buildings remind me of my childhood. I think it's because there are a lot of buildings like that still around. The buildings in Silent Hill seem so 60's-ish to me. Somehow I feel like I grew up in the 60's, partly because there are so many old buildings and remnants of the past still standing. I don't know, but Silent Hill just seems so nostalgic. I can't really explain it. Nostalgic minus the demons and corpses, that is. You know; just the town and how abandoned it is. Maybe I've seen a lot of abandoned buildings in my childhood? O.o Actually, I used to live by an old glove factory. It wasn't abandoned, but it sure looked like it was. They actually still make gloves there.

Also, thanks to Silent Hill 3, I've started to really like the name "Heather." :-P

This was a random blog today! I need to go to beddy-bye naowz. leik, c u l8r!!111!!11111!1

High School angsty-angst

I just found out splendiferous is actually a word. At least, Microsoft Word says it is. Gosh, I thought it was just a silly made-up word! This calls for investigation. To the dictionarymobile!

splen⋅dif⋅er⋅ous 

–adjective

splendid; magnificent; fine.

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Origin:
1425–75; late ME < class="ital-inline">splendōrifer brightness-bearing (see splendor, -fer, -ous; loss of -or prob. by shift of stress, syncope, and dissimilation) + -ous

Wow, and it's a friggin' OLD word, too! From the 15th century! :-O
Haha, this is turning into a dictionary blog. Okay, enough dictionary.

In other news: I hate high school! I can't friggin' WAIT to get out of that damn hell. I'm seriously starting to think I would rather be trapped in Silent Hill than have to go to there every weekday! It would at least be more exciting. :-( Bah, that building is so old and dark it practically is like being trapped in Silent Hill. Just empty out the building, turn off the lights, summon some demons, and there you have it: utter terror! :-D
At least I'm a Senior. I couldn't stand another year there, god. I can barely stand finishing this year! :-(

Don't get me wrong, I'm thankful for my education and all that great crap; I just can't stand most of the kids there, or most of the teachers. I think the whole school system needs an overhaul. I don't know how it should be fixed, but I know it needs fixing. Either way I'll be in college soon, WOOT!! XD

Bah, enough complaining; I have lots of assignments to finish before the end of this week, so I need to get crackin'. I hope you, whoever you may be, are enjoying your life and are not as big of a procrastinator as I am. >.>;

Also, HAPPY NEW YEAR, guys! :-D (It's 2009, in case you're a time-traveler and didn't know.)