Saturday, March 24, 2012

I'm re-dying my hair right now.

Purple.

It's interesting; I didn't dye my hair for attention, I just dyed it in the beginning because I wanted to have pink hair. But it does get me a lot of attention. Not that I want it, in fact I don't really, but people come up to me and tell me they like my hair and I'm just like, "thanks!" I wonder what they think of me for real. Why is it that I idolize people with strange hair? Does it make them seem brave or just more unique? It hasn't made me more brave. Maybe it would if I let it, but I'm so used to shutting the world out and I'm so afraid of people. I love people, but they terrify me. The internet is much easier. Not that I'm a complete shut-in like I used to be. I have "real friends" that I see in "real life" as well. And I even ate lunch outside on the town square with my sister yesterday, so go me.



I like this picture of me rubbing my eye. It's kind of weird, I mean, I'm rubbing my eye. But it's a nice picture somehow and I like it.

It makes me sad when people act like they're your friend, but then ignore you. I mean, I ignore people a lot of the time, but not on purpose. There's a difference. There's a difference between falling out of touch for a while and then talking again, than hanging out/chatting online and then all of a sudden not doing either of those things. I could change this, I know, but this situation is weird. I'm not sure what to do. You know what I mean?

I wrote an essay about my mental breakdown I had back in December that I never told anyone about. I read it aloud in my writing class that I just finished. I didn't mean to cry, but I did. I suppose it was a good thing, though. People are always ashamed to cry, but I don't see what the big deal is. We all lie and tell ourselves we're tougher than we actually are. I think the world would be a better place if everyone would cry more often.

I need to be working on my fantasy story right now so I can send it in for my class and get credit for all the words I've written. I've been wanting to write this fantasy story for so long, and I wanted to work on it today but my brain has felt so fuzzy. I'm always so tired. If I could just dream forever...or get paid to dream, that would be nice. I slept in till 2pm today, it was Saturday, and my bed was way too comfortable. Maybe I need to take more cat naps, I don't know.


I've wasted so much of my time being sentimental. But I get sentimental thinking about all the time I've wasted being sentimental; like all the time I wasted in high school taking pictures of myself in Photobooth and lip syncing to Utada Hikaru. Here's a pic of me from 11th grade with my Zelda posters on my wall:




I really miss my long hair, so I'm growing it out. Right now it's just a bit below my shoulders.

I'm listening to Utada Hikaru right now in an unnecessary attempt to relive my late-night high school time-wasting. It's working pretty well. I should go wash this dye out of my hair; it's been on my head for almost 4 hours.

I love you.

Sunday, March 18, 2012

In my mind, I slit my wrists to cull the frustration.

Some random song lyrics I just made up:

You love me but we're not,
not talking

Yeah you love me but we're not,
not, not, not

I like you but just not like that
boy

I like you but it's not that
easy

Chorus:
Let's forget our past I wanna
go back to the sta-art

I wanna meet you over the internet
again

I wanna hide my head on my shoulders and you
won't think that I'm awesome

I wanna meet you again and we'll be friends
real friends
and not this forced crap

-END RANDOM LYRICS-