It's interesting; I didn't dye my hair for attention, I just dyed it in the beginning because I wanted to have pink hair. But it does get me a lot of attention. Not that I want it, in fact I don't really, but people come up to me and tell me they like my hair and I'm just like, "thanks!" I wonder what they think of me for real. Why is it that I idolize people with strange hair? Does it make them seem brave or just more unique? It hasn't made me more brave. Maybe it would if I let it, but I'm so used to shutting the world out and I'm so afraid of people. I love people, but they terrify me. The internet is much easier. Not that I'm a complete shut-in like I used to be. I have "real friends" that I see in "real life" as well. And I even ate lunch outside on the town square with my sister yesterday, so go me.
I like this picture of me rubbing my eye. It's kind of weird, I mean, I'm rubbing my eye. But it's a nice picture somehow and I like it.
It makes me sad when people act like they're your friend, but then ignore you. I mean, I ignore people a lot of the time, but not on purpose. There's a difference. There's a difference between falling out of touch for a while and then talking again, than hanging out/chatting online and then all of a sudden not doing either of those things. I could change this, I know, but this situation is weird. I'm not sure what to do. You know what I mean?
I wrote an essay about my mental breakdown I had back in December that I never told anyone about. I read it aloud in my writing class that I just finished. I didn't mean to cry, but I did. I suppose it was a good thing, though. People are always ashamed to cry, but I don't see what the big deal is. We all lie and tell ourselves we're tougher than we actually are. I think the world would be a better place if everyone would cry more often.
I need to be working on my fantasy story right now so I can send it in for my class and get credit for all the words I've written. I've been wanting to write this fantasy story for so long, and I wanted to work on it today but my brain has felt so fuzzy. I'm always so tired. If I could just dream forever...or get paid to dream, that would be nice. I slept in till 2pm today, it was Saturday, and my bed was way too comfortable. Maybe I need to take more cat naps, I don't know.
I've wasted so much of my time being sentimental. But I get sentimental thinking about all the time I've wasted being sentimental; like all the time I wasted in high school taking pictures of myself in Photobooth and lip syncing to Utada Hikaru. Here's a pic of me from 11th grade with my Zelda posters on my wall:
I really miss my long hair, so I'm growing it out. Right now it's just a bit below my shoulders.
I'm listening to Utada Hikaru right now in an unnecessary attempt to relive my late-night high school time-wasting. It's working pretty well. I should go wash this dye out of my hair; it's been on my head for almost 4 hours.
I love you.
2 comments:
I think your hair is very awesome! I'm jealous, I couldn't pull it off, but it really clicks with you. :3
When I was on the Sidhi course and all the girls were crying, Linda Birx told us that it's nothing to be ashamed of. Sometimes women just need to let out emotion in order to further their growth, and crying is the fastest way for us to do that. So... props that you don't have a problem with it.
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